


Cleaner, healthier

by edie22



Category: Smallville
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-10
Updated: 2002-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edie22/pseuds/edie22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark has questions.  Lex has answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cleaner, healthier

## Cleaner, healthier

by edie

<http://www.geocities.com/edielynne/slash.html>

* * *

Cleaner, Healthier. 

"Clark? I don't mean to bother you, but you've been in there for a while and your dinner is getting cold." 

"Lex? Can you come in here?" 

Lex sighed and shook his head. Bathroom visits were not part of the `just friends' thing he was trying to maintain. He pushed open the door to find Clark fully dressed -- thank goodness -- and standing in the far corner. He looked up, a thoughtful expression on his face, and motioned Lex over. 

He seemed to be staring at something, and Lex stood next to him and tried to figure out what was going on. "What is it, Clark? A bug?" Lex made a mental note to have an exterminator called first thing in the morning. 

"No. I'm just looking at this. What is it? What is it for?" 

Clark pointed and Lex couldn't help but chuckle. "You've been in here close to an hour trying to figure it out? Why didn't you just come out and ask?" 

Clark rolled his eyes. "Sure, but it's better to figure things out on your own." 

"It looks like a toilet, but I couldn't come up with a good reason to have two in one bathroom." 

Lex shook his head. 

"Right. So I figured that wasn't it. So I started looking for a lever or a button or something, and the one I found did this." 

He pushed the silver button on the side of the ceramic fixture and a stream of water came out of the basin. "So, then I thought fountain. But I couldn't figure out why there was of these in your bathroom either." 

Lex covered his mouth with his hand trying to muffle the laughter that was threatening to escape. Clark looked so earnest! He was still staring like he was completely flummoxed. 

It was completely adorable. 

"So, what is it, Lex?" 

Taking a deep breath, Lex hoped to get the words out without losing it. 

"It's a bidet." 

"A bidet?" 

"Yes. It's French. It's used for cleaning one's self after using the facilities." 

"The facilities...okay. So it's for women?" 

"Lex couldn't help the chuckle. "Women and men can use it." 

"A man? For what?" 

Lex looked carefully at Clark. He wasn't joking. He really didn't understand. Lex almost offered him a demonstration but managed to bite back the comment. 

Dropping trou was probably not the best idea. 

"Lex. I'm serious! I just want to know what it's for." 

"It's for cleaning your, uh, posterior. After using the facilities." 

Lex was repeating himself. He tried to think of another way to explain. 

It finally seemed to dawn on Clark. His face went bright red and he asked incredulously, "It's for cleaning your ass? Isn't that what the paper is for?" He gestured at the roll hanging on the wall and Lex finally gave into his laughter. 

"Oh, Clark." He managed between gasps for breath. "It's supposed to be cleaner. Healthier." 

Clark shook his head. "A bidet. Huh. I'll have to try it sometime." 

The thought of it almost cured Lex's laughter. 

"Doesn't it make a mess though? I mean you'd have to take off your shoes and your pants and by that point, shouldn't you just get in the shower?" 

Lex did not have tears coming out of his eyes. He did not. 

"I suppose. I don't think it's used very often." 

"Do you use it, Lex?" Clark asked in a voice Lex hadn't heard before. 

He turned to face Clark. "I think I played with it when I was younger, but I haven't used it recently." 

"Rich people are weird, Lex." 

Lex just nodded. "I know, Clark." He patted Clark's shoulder as they left, still laughing to himself. 


End file.
